Offline
So, two developments have led me to take down this blog, for now.
1. I have really been thrown off balance by a friend of mine from my undergraduate university. Some background here. I like many of the people that I meet now, but I don't necessarily trust them. I am about to finish a Ph.D. in Oxford. I make more than $250,000 a year on my various consulting contracts, working part time. I have royal friends now, and I row and dress well. I always occurs to me that many people seek to build a relationship with me because I show some promise. For that reason, I rely heavily for support on my husband, family, and childhood friends. They knew me when I was eighteen, overweight, and somewhat shy. I feel the same about a number of people from my undergrad. If they were good people when I was experimenting with terrible hair dye and making dinners of ramen noodles, then they are good people, full stop. This is why is it so disturbing for me to learn the someone has been keeping something so significant from me.
I have a friend from my undergrad who I always thought would amount to something great. The two of us clicked. We saw everything in the same light. It was never a sexual thing, which made it much more secure for me. He has had some bad luck with jobs back home and wasn't happy. So when I started to see some success in a third country, after talking with him, I decided in the long term to take him with me, to become business partners. I thought I could trust the guy, plus he was intelligent and had some charisma. Two weeks ago, I even called in a very high-level favor and set the guy up for a job interview in a specialized bank in said third country. In doing so, I used up a good deal of my prime political capital. It was a lot to ask, especially as the implication was that if he didn't turn out to be a complete idiot, he would have the job, a very perky mid-exec level position. But, then, I got in touch with another friend from my undergraduate university -- someone I had lost contact with -- who told me that he had been brought up on charges for credit card fraud. I didn't believe it at first. I chalked it up to idle gossip, which was always something at which my old classmates excelled. But paranoia took over, and I made some calls. It's confirmed. And now I feel like a chump. A person I trusted, who I was willing to go out on a limb for, and who I wanted to put myself in a position of economic vulnerability with, was keeping something major from me, something with could have a severe impact on both of us, had I gone ahead. I am not so much concerned with the credit card skimming. That's neither here nor there for me. Maybe he did it, maybe he didn't. But the fact that he didn't tell me is eating me up. And now I don't know what to do with this bank, which wants me to get in contact with him about the interview. I haven't told him yet about the job, and am now not sure that I will. I wish he would call me and just have it out.
2. The other development in my life is that I finally asked my husband to read my blog. There were a lot of tears, and a lot of "did I really do that?" Some things upset him, and some things made him laugh, because they sounded exactly like something I would say. The bottom line, though, is that whatever problems the two of us have, I have decided to take them offline for a little while. The two of us are not going to solve our issues if my confidante is an anonymous reader. So we are seeking therapy. Together. Thank you all for your kind emails and support for these last two and a half years. This is not to say that I will be gone forever. But at least in the near future, I need to focus on what's in front of me.
1. I have really been thrown off balance by a friend of mine from my undergraduate university. Some background here. I like many of the people that I meet now, but I don't necessarily trust them. I am about to finish a Ph.D. in Oxford. I make more than $250,000 a year on my various consulting contracts, working part time. I have royal friends now, and I row and dress well. I always occurs to me that many people seek to build a relationship with me because I show some promise. For that reason, I rely heavily for support on my husband, family, and childhood friends. They knew me when I was eighteen, overweight, and somewhat shy. I feel the same about a number of people from my undergrad. If they were good people when I was experimenting with terrible hair dye and making dinners of ramen noodles, then they are good people, full stop. This is why is it so disturbing for me to learn the someone has been keeping something so significant from me.
I have a friend from my undergrad who I always thought would amount to something great. The two of us clicked. We saw everything in the same light. It was never a sexual thing, which made it much more secure for me. He has had some bad luck with jobs back home and wasn't happy. So when I started to see some success in a third country, after talking with him, I decided in the long term to take him with me, to become business partners. I thought I could trust the guy, plus he was intelligent and had some charisma. Two weeks ago, I even called in a very high-level favor and set the guy up for a job interview in a specialized bank in said third country. In doing so, I used up a good deal of my prime political capital. It was a lot to ask, especially as the implication was that if he didn't turn out to be a complete idiot, he would have the job, a very perky mid-exec level position. But, then, I got in touch with another friend from my undergraduate university -- someone I had lost contact with -- who told me that he had been brought up on charges for credit card fraud. I didn't believe it at first. I chalked it up to idle gossip, which was always something at which my old classmates excelled. But paranoia took over, and I made some calls. It's confirmed. And now I feel like a chump. A person I trusted, who I was willing to go out on a limb for, and who I wanted to put myself in a position of economic vulnerability with, was keeping something major from me, something with could have a severe impact on both of us, had I gone ahead. I am not so much concerned with the credit card skimming. That's neither here nor there for me. Maybe he did it, maybe he didn't. But the fact that he didn't tell me is eating me up. And now I don't know what to do with this bank, which wants me to get in contact with him about the interview. I haven't told him yet about the job, and am now not sure that I will. I wish he would call me and just have it out.
2. The other development in my life is that I finally asked my husband to read my blog. There were a lot of tears, and a lot of "did I really do that?" Some things upset him, and some things made him laugh, because they sounded exactly like something I would say. The bottom line, though, is that whatever problems the two of us have, I have decided to take them offline for a little while. The two of us are not going to solve our issues if my confidante is an anonymous reader. So we are seeking therapy. Together. Thank you all for your kind emails and support for these last two and a half years. This is not to say that I will be gone forever. But at least in the near future, I need to focus on what's in front of me.
